


Once is Never Enough

by annber



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: M/M, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-21 22:23:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9569378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annber/pseuds/annber
Summary: Honestly I have no idea how many chapters I'll move or if I'll continue. Watch this space I guess?





	

**Author's Note:**

> carol lockwood and grayson gilbert got married. pls suspend disbelief and come on this journey with me.

            “Gilbert!” Tyler screams, the single word reverberating through nearly every room in the house.

Jeremy isn’t the only Gilbert present but they all know who Tyler is yelling at.  
Still, Jeremy doesn’t move other than his lips twitching.

            “Do I want to know?” Elena asks, not moving her eyes from the TV.

Jeremy almost chuckles at that, but he manages to keep it in.

            “Why would you assume that I had anything to do with it?” he asks, picking at the lint on the arm of the chair he was currently slumped on.

They both turn, a bit unwillingly, as Grayson Gilbert steps into the room.

            “Jeremy,” he says, tone sober, “would you care to explain why Tyler’s hands are glued to his hair?”

            “Maybe the gel went bad?” Jeremy suggests.   
He has to work quite hard to keep the smirk off his face.

            “I have a date in twenty minutes Gilbert!” Tyler screams again.

Jeremy can’t hold back a snicker at that, not phased in the least by Elena smacking him with a throw pillow.

            “Jeremy,” Grayson sighs, “how do we removed the glue?”

            “Uh,” Jeremy stalls, “I didn’t really plan that far?”   
He adds a shrug for good measure.

His father huffs and Jeremy nearly snickers again.

Every Gilbert falls silent however as Carol and Tyler Lockwood pass the doorway.

            “It’s alright, Honey,” Carol is saying. “We’ll get you a nice haircut and it’ll look even better than it did.”

            “I’m gonna be late,” Tyler whines in response.

Jeremy covers his mouth with both hands, shoulders shaking as he forces himself to laugh silently.   
This is _golden_.

            “Text Trixie,” Carol begins.

            “Stacey,” Tyler interrupts.

To her credit, Carol doesn’t sigh.

            “Text her that your little brother is being a brat.”

            “He’s _not_ my brother,” Tyler says.

They make their way out the door before Jeremy can hear Carol’s response, not that he cares.

            “Two weeks,” Grayson says, sighing.

At this, Jeremy finally stops laughing.

            “Two weeks?” he demands.

            “Or until his hair grows back.”

Jeremy wisely shuts up.

Grayson pauses, as if he wants to say more.   
He doesn’t though, turning and leaving the room silently.

            “So?” Elena questions.

            “Totally worth it,” Jeremy laughs, holding out his fist.

Elena rolls her eyes even as she bumps her fist against his.

 

Of course, the following morning Jeremy isn’t feeling nearly so victorious.

He’s running late, as he usually does, and jumps out of the shower, one hand grabbing the blow dryer before he even bothers with a towel.

As it whirred to life it was Jeremy’s turn to scream.

White powder shoots out of the dryer, all over him, all over the sink, and even onto the wall behind him.

            “Lockwood!” Jeremy bellows, finally grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist before anyone arrives.

He won’t have time to shower again and Jeremy tries to scrub at himself with another towel.   
It doesn’t help much. If at all.

Elena is the first to arrive, probably because she was still in her room.

She’s no help, predictably. Instead she laughs into her hand before leaving again.

Jeremy nearly growls at this. Instead, he stomps back to his room to get dressed.

Sure, Jeremy kind of asked for this to happen.   
And it’s not a great idea to start a prank war with his step brother but honestly – Tyler is a dick. Jeremy’s just reacting naturally to his dickness. That’s all.

On top of that, Jeremy didn’t prank Tyler before school. This is just low.

Tyler’s already snickering before Jeremy even makes it down the stairs, only laughing harder when Jeremy glares at him.

He sobers eventually, eyes sparkling as he looks at Jeremy.

            “You’re lucky it wasn’t Nair in your shampoo,” he says simply.

Jeremy is momentarily shocked speechless.

The fact that Tyler even _thought_ of that.   
Two thoughts occur to Jeremy nearly in sync. First he’s grateful Tyler _didn’t_ put Nair in his shampoo.   
Then he realizes he needs to up his game.

Sure, this could be a sign that he should let sleeping dogs lie and all that but…this was Jeremy’s house.   
It was only fair he got to defend it.

Oh, it was on.

 

The next week and a half progresses much like waves crashing on a beach.

Jeremy glued eggs to the bottom of the carton.   
Tyler purchased some itching powder.  
Jeremy re-programmed Tyler’s phone to Cantonese. Which, for the record, was actually epic.   
Tyler put plastic wrap across a doorframe.   
Jeremy buttered the kitchen floor.

Wednesday morning Jeremy is waiting on Tyler’s next counter.

He gets up early to make sure his bathroom isn’t sabotaged.   
Neither are his clothes, his phone, or his backpack.

Jeremy relaxes marginally and heads downstairs.

There’s nothing on the stairs and only Elena is waiting in the foyer.

            “Where’s Tyler?”

            “Behind you,” Tyler announces, still at the top of the stairs.

Jeremy tenses before forcing himself to relax again.

            “Lockwood,” he greets, not looking back.

            “Gilbert,” Tyler returns.

Elena doesn’t look up from whoever she’s texting.

            “I think I’m gonna stay late today,” Jeremy tells her as he passes.

            “Then you’re gonna walk home,” she says, still texting.

Jeremy shrugs.

            “That’s fine.”

 

Over time Jeremy has found that he can only really work at the art room at school.

He needs privacy, always has.  Well – since his mother died.   
Especially now that Tyler is in their house he can’t work at home.

So, staying late and walking home is worth it for Jeremy.

He’s getting close to finishing and every time he looks at the piece his chest warms and he feels like he can breathe again.

Jeremy doesn’t finish it today but he’s happy as he packs up, steps lighter than they’ve been in a while.

By the time he makes it home he’s not thinking about Tyler or their prank war or anything really.

He opens the door feeling content and exactly two seconds later it’s all washed away.

He’s soaked from head to toe in something wet and sticky as he stumbles in surprise.

There’s something, soda? All over him and the floor.

For just another second, Jeremy is still okay.

Then he realizes.

He sucks in a gasp, yanking his backpack off his shoulder.

Tyler’s there by then, laughing at him.

Jeremy wholly ignores him, hands shaking as he tries to get the zipper on his backpack open.

            “No, no, no,” he’s chanting as he works.

Tyler seems to realize something is wrong then.

            “Gilbert? What’s wrong?”

Jeremy ignores him again, he pulls out his folder and flips it open.

He can’t move.  
He can’t breathe.

It’s ruined.

            “Jeremy?” Elena questions.

He doesn’t know where she is, he can’t look up.

Jeremy doesn’t have control of himself then. That’s the only way he can think to describe it.

He throws his folder down, part of him cringing at the slap of noise it makes.

Next his backpack gets thrown down and Jeremy is launching himself forward.

His hands curl into fists, thumping against whatever parts of Tyler they can reach.

            “Fuck you!” he screams. “Fuck you, Lockwood! I fucking _hate you_! Fuck you!”

Tyler doesn’t hit him back, in fact he tries to back up, sending both of them to the floor.

Jeremy scrambles on top of him, hips pinning Tyler down as Jeremy punches him in the face as hard as he can.

Tyler brings up his arms and Jeremy revels in it.

_Yes_ he thinks _let’s do this. Let’s just fucking do it._

Tyler still doesn’t hit him though, all he does is bring up his forearms to block his face.

Elena is yelling then and Jeremy is still punching Tyler’s arms, too out of his head to re-focus.

 

It’s Grayson that finally hauls him off, arms wrapping around Jeremy like iron and holding him still.

Jeremy realizes he’s crying quite suddenly but he can’t manage to care enough to even try to stop.

Later, Elena will tell him it was like watching a wild animal attack Tyler. That she’s never been so afraid of him.   
The smallest part of Jeremy will be proud. The rest will still be numb.

            “He ruined it,” Jeremy gasps out. “He ruined it.”

His father hushes him the best he can, still holding him tight.

Jeremy isn’t sure who cleans up the mess.   
He’s not sure when his father realizes what’s happened.

Eventually they all settle at the dining room table.

What used to be Jeremy’s most prizes possession is on the table.

It’s stained dark with the soda Tyler used. Completely ruined.

Jeremy can’t bear to look at it but he also can’t bear to look away.

            “This is the last piece of art my wife started,” Grayson says.   
He stands and paces away as Carol gasps in horror.   
“She and Jeremy worked on it the day she died,” Grayson adds.

His voice is as hollow as Jeremy feels.

He can’t even enjoy the horrified expression on Tyler’s face. He can’t feel anything.

            “I-I didn’t know,” Tyler manages.

            “Don’t act like you care!” Jeremy snarls.

Tyler glares at him.

            “Of course I care! You think I would do this on purpose?”

            “Probably!” Jeremy yells, ignoring his father’s hand on his shoulder.

            “Enough!” Grayson yells over both of them.

The room falls silent.

            “You’re just sorry you got caught,” Jeremy adds, biting at his lip.

            “I didn’t know,” Tyler says again. “It was just supposed to be funny. Like we’ve been doing.”

Grayson sighs, he and Carol watching each other.

            “We’ll figure something out.”

Jeremy snorts.

            “Oh, yeah, let’s just go dig Mom up and bring her back here. We can start over.”

            “Jeremy,” Elena gasps. “Don’t talk about her like that.”

            “Okay,” Grayson says, his other hand falling to Jeremy’s shoulder and squeezing. “Grounded until further notice, agreed?”   
Carol nods once.

            “But I didn’t mean to!” Tyler yells, shoving out of his chair.

            “Tyler,” Grayson sighs, “you can’t take this back. No one can replace this.”

He doesn’t gesture to the stained, wrinkles paper.   
He doesn’t have to.

            “It was a mistake and you’re all just taking his side!” Tyler yells. “He’s the one that started it!”

            “And you finished it,” Grayson snaps.

He looks between both of them.

“It _is_ finished.”

Jeremy doesn’t say anything.

            “This is bullshit!” Tyler finishes before stomping out of the room and up the stairs.

After a moment Carol stands as well.

            “I’m sorry, Jeremy,” she says.   
Then she follows after Tyler.

 

Two weeks pass.   
Tyler barely leaves his room.   
Jeremy walks to and from school every day.

They don’t speak to each other, not a single word any time they have to share the same space.

            “You can un-ground him,” Jeremy finally says. “It’s not like it’s doing any good.”

It was true. If Tyler actually cared what he had done he would have apologized.   
He would have tried to do _something_.

            “Tyler,” Carol starts, “do you have anything to say to Jeremy?”

Jeremy almost turns and leaves the room. He stays though.   
Maybe, just maybe Tyler will actually say it.

Tyler doesn’t speak.

Jeremy snorts and moves to clear his dishes.

He supposes he should have seen that coming.

Elena comes into his room later that night.   
She climbs in bed with him silently.

Jeremy moves closer and she wraps her arms around him.

She runs her fingers through his hair as he cries, finally letting the last of the pain out.

There’s no going back, no changing what’s happened.

            “It was like losing her all over again,” he admits.

            “I know,” Elena tells him. “I’m sorry, baby bro.”

Everyone’s sorry except Tyler apparently.

…

Grayson and Carol buy Jeremy enough art supplies to start his own studio.

The bags alone take up an entire corner of his room and even though Jeremy helped pick everything out he can’t help but stare at it for nearly two hours.

He doesn’t feel ready or necessarily deserving of this.

And sure, Carol probably paid for most of this.   
But Jeremy still feels weird about it.

He builds the easel anyway, not wanting to give any of it back.   
Then Jeremy sets an empty canvas on the easel and stares at that instead.

As much as he wants to try and copy what he’d been working on, he knows it won’t be the same without his mother’s touch.

Trying to do it again will only hurt more.

Jeremy leaves the easel as it is for a few days, smiling weakly when Elena questions him.

            “Nothing yet?”

            “Waiting for the right thing,” he tells her.

She nods and presses a kiss to the top of his head before she can stop him.

            “She’ll love whatever you do.”

It catches Jeremy right in the chest the way she says it.   
He’s glad though.

            “Thanks,” he says.

 

Elena has plans right after school so Jeremy walks home again.   
He’s not too concerned with Tyler’s plans until he sees a body sprawled across their porch.

Against his better instincts Jeremy runs _towards_ the body.

            “God,” he lets out, thumping up the steps. “Tyler!”

Tyler grunts, face moving slightly.

Jeremy’s heart is beating fiercely against his ribs.

“What happened?” he demands. “Are you alright?”

Tyler only grunts again.

“Okay,” Jeremy lets out, trying to think. “Let’s…get you inside?”

            “Don’t wanna,” Tyler mumbles, his eyes are still closed.

In fact, one of them looks swollen.

            “Tyler, we need to get you inside. You look like a corpse.”

            “Feel like one,” Tyler offers.

            “Stop trying to freak me out,” he jokes weakly.

Jeremy shifts closer carefully.

“Come on,” he says, “can you move?”

            “No,” Tyler says.

            “I’ll have to get Mr. Johnson,” Jeremy says. “Or call 911.”

Tyler groans at that.

            “I don’t need 911, stop being dramatic.”

            “Oh, yeah,” Jeremy snaps, “so sorry.”

Tyler’s eyes finally blink open. He sighs.

            “Fine. Help me up.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes.

            “I’m waiting on you.”

 

Tyler sighs again before moving.   
Even then, it’s only to lift his arm.

_Great_ Jeremy thinks.

Still, he takes a deep breath and pulls Tyler’s arm over his shoulders the best he can.

With a lot of effort, and cursing on Tyler’s part, they manage to get him standing.

            “You gonna tell me what happened?” Jeremy asks, fumbling for his key.

            “No.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes again.

Inside the foyer, Jeremy angles them for the living room but Tyler digs his heels in.

“No,” he says again, “they’ll see.”

            “They’re gonna see you at dinner,” Jeremy tells him, “and you’ll probably look worse.”

Tyler’s silent for a moment, clearly debating something.

            “Can I stay in your room?” he asks.

Jeremy’s tempted to snort. He’s also tempted to demand whether Tyler is joking – but it’s clear he isn’t.

            “Why would I do that?” he asks instead.

Tyler sighs, deeply.

            “I’ll do whatever you want.”

Jeremy does snort then.

            “There’s nothing-”

            “I’ll be better tomorrow,” Tyler cuts him off. “Please, just cover for me.”

            “I’m n-”

            “Fuck,” Tyler grits out. “I know you hate me, okay? But I need you to do this or my mom will freak out and we’ll have to file another report and I don’t want that, alright?” He closes his eyes before meeting Jeremy’s again. “Just, please,” he mumbles.

Jeremy might have his issues with Tyler but he’s not actually a monster.

            “I’d better not get in trouble for this,” he says.

            “I won’t let you,” Tyler promises immediately.

            “Okay,” Jeremy sighs. “Let’s go.”

 

It’s decidedly strange having Tyler in his bed.

Obviously Tyler has been in his room before, even if Jeremy can only count the occurrences on one hand.

Being in his bed is new though.

Jeremy walked away partly because he needed air to breathe and partly because he didn’t want Tyler bleeding all over his sheets.

            “You really aren’t going to tell me?”

Tyler doesn’t answer at all.

Jeremy sighs.

“You were passed out on the porch,” Jeremy emphasizes. “You can’t even stand.”

            “Leave it, Gilbert.”

Jeremy snorts then.   
He crosses to the bathroom to get a washcloth.

            “Here,” he offers.

Tyler’s knuckles are scraped and his eyebrow is cut.

Jeremy hopes that’s the worst of it.

            “No offense,” Tyler says, “but I really don’t give a fuck about blood right now.”

            “Well you wouldn’t,” Jeremy says, “they aren’t your sheets. But I also don’t have a period, so.”

Tyler groans again.   
Still, he picks up the washcloth and wipes off his hands.

“Your face,” Jeremy says when Tyler tries to hand it back.

            “Seriously?” Tyler demands.

Jeremy wonders if he’s too tired or in too much pain to get properly angry over it.

He swallows down his annoyance and sits on the bed gingerly.

            “Give it to me,” he says, holding out his hand. “Close your eyes.”

Tyler does both without saying anything.

Jeremy wipes off Tyler’s face gently. He goes back to the bathroom and rinses it out before tossing it in the hamper.   
When he returns Tyler hasn’t moved.

“Better by tomorrow,” Jeremy says, not really able to make it a question.

Tyler only grunts at him again anyway.

Jeremy leaves and brings back Tylenol and a glass of water. He sets them both on the nightstand.

            “Jeremy, seriously,” Tyler says as Jeremy turns to leave, “don’t tell.”

            “Fine,” Jeremy says.

He keeps his thoughts about how weird this all is to himself.

 

Jeremy’s not sure what Tyler texts his mother but there’s no questions about where he is that night.   
He avoids his room as much as possible, wondering what’s going to happen when it’s time to sleep.

He supposes he can just sneak into Tyler’s room and sleep there.   
Better than the floor at least.

Though if someone finds him sleeping in Tyler’s room that probably won’t be the best thing.

He sighs.

It’s either pretending he fell asleep on the couch, sleeping on his own floor, or sharing the bed with Tyler.

Jeremy grimaces at each option.

The couch really presents the same options Tyler’s room does. Not to mention if anyone goes into his room for any reason at all…

Jeremy sighs again.

He’ll have to sleep in his room, one way or another.

Still, Jeremy waits as long as he can before making his way upstairs.

He changes into his pajamas in the bathroom and tries to pretend he’s cool with this.

            “Tyler?” he hazards.

Tyler doesn’t respond.

Jeremy doesn’t have the guts to ask if he’s faking.

Instead he eases into the bed, not daring to slip under the covers.

It’s a long time before Jeremy sleeps though.

 

Jeremy wakes to Elena knocking the next morning, heart shooting into his throat when he realizes he never set his alarm.

            “Jeremy,” she says again, “we have to go.”

Jeremy groans, probably a bit too loud.

            “Are you alright?”

            “Don’t come in,” Jeremy tells her. “You’re gonna see something you don’t want to see.”

He glances to the other side of the bed, it looks like Tyler is still sleeping.

            “Are you sick?” Elena calls through the door.

            “Yeah,” Jeremy agrees easily. “Can you tell Dad?”

            “Of course,” Elena says. “Do you need anything?”

            “No,” Jeremy says, “I’m just gonna sleep.”

He eases out of the bed and crosses to his desk before gratefully sinking into the chair.

That was close.

 

Jeremy enjoys his morning, watching some stupid cartoons while eating cereal.

When he hears a crash upstairs he jumps off the couch and rushes up.

His room is empty and Jeremy hurries to Tyler’s room. It’s also empty.

Tyler is in the bathroom, heavily leaning against the counter.

            “Are you alright?” Jeremy asks urgently.

            “Peachy,” Tyler says.

Jeremy looks around the small room, only then seeing the broken vase on the floor.

            “Better than the vase?” Jeremy tries.

            “Maybe,” Tyler agrees.

Jeremy pauses.

            “Can I help?”

Tyler sighs, eyes closing.

            “I need to get in the tub,” he says.

            “Okay,” Jeremy agrees without thinking.

He enters the bathroom carefully, turning the water on.

            “Really hot,” Tyler tells him.

            “Sure,” Jeremy agrees.

It’s not until he stands again and turns that he realizes Tyler probably isn’t getting in the tub dressed.

“Uh,” he mumbles.

            “Yeah,” Tyler says, expression grim.

Jeremy inhales.

            “Okay,” he says. “Yup.”

He steps over the broken vase, much closer to Tyler.

“Arms up,” he says, “let’s do this.”

Tyler looks unsure, cheeks pinking.

“Come on,” Jeremy says.

They’re doing this.

 

Tyler lifts his arms slowly and Jeremy inhales again.

He grips the hem of Tyler’s shirt and lifts it up.

Once the shirt is out of the way Jeremy can’t hold back a gasp.

            “Jesus!”

Tyler doesn’t say anything, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Tyler…”

            “I’m fine.”

After a moment he tips his jaw upward defiantly.

“My back is worse anyway.”

            “That doesn’t _help_ ,” Jeremy tells him, scandalized.

            “It does when someone’s stomping you,” Tyler tells him, rolling his eyes.

            “Tyler, literally – what.”

            “You can turn the water off,” Tyler sighs.

            “Great,” Jeremy snaps.

            “Look,” Tyler snaps right back, “you don’t get to be mad at me right now I’m – this doesn’t – I’m fine.”

            “You’re not fine,” Jeremy says tightly.

            “Why do you care?”

            “Because I’m human?”

Tyler’s face twists up.

            “I know you don’t like me, yeah? I don’t need or want your pity.”

            “No,” Jeremy agrees. “I don’t like you. And after what you did to my mom’s drawing I’m not sure I ever will. But I _don’t_ want this for you. I don’t want this for anyone. So,” he pauses, thinking rapidly, “whatever happened to you just…try to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Okay?”

Tyler’s quiet for a long moment and Jeremy gathers the courage to speak again.

“You’re acting like this has happened before,” he says quietly. “Talking like it too. And if it has happened before you should have a pretty good idea how to avoid it. So that’s what I want in return. I’ll cover for you and you make sure you don’t do this again.”

Tyler still doesn’t say anything. He blinks rapidly before nodding.

Jeremy nods too.

“Yell if you need anything. Don’t step on the broken glass.”

Then he leaves Tyler alone to soak, trying to calm his heart.

…

Things go quiet between them but it’s a peaceful quiet that Jeremy doesn’t really mind.

He’s pleased that Tyler’s walking normally again, though he’s not sure how the bruises on his back are faring.

Part of Jeremy wants to ask but he’s not really sure it’s his place.

Tyler probably only let him help because no one else was there.

On top of that how much does Jeremy really care?   
This doesn’t change how Tyler acts around him. Or in general.

It certainly doesn’t change what he did.

Jeremy still hasn’t painted anything but he feels like he’s emotionally building up to it. Someday soon it’s going to happen.

He comes home to an empty house, only half curious where everyone is.

Jeremy grabs a bag of potato chips from his room before heading upstairs to his room.   
He shuts the door behind him and tosses his backpack on his desk chair and toes out of his shoes.

It’s pure chance that he glances the easel out of the corner of his eye, then Jeremy pivots to look at it.

His blank canvas is on the floor, leaning against one of the easel’s legs.

Instead, there’s a framed sketch on the easel.

It’s him and his mother in her hospital bed.

Jeremy’s throat closes up just looking at it.

He’s familiar with the picture it’s clearly been modeled after but he’s still in awe.

 

Slowly, Jeremy approaches the easel, biting at his lip.   
He wraps his arms around his torso and it helps a little.

It’s gorgeous honestly.

In the sketch his mom doesn’t look as sick as she really was.   
She’s beautiful and ethereal in the way that Jeremy sees her in his mind.

A tear slips down his cheek and then another but Jeremy doesn’t bother trying to wipe them away.

These are the good kind of tears. The good kind of pain.

Jeremy scans the bottom of the piece, finally seeing a small cursive ‘L’.

He smiles, just a bit.

Jeremy isn’t sure how he knows, he just has a feeling the house isn’t really empty.

Swiping at his tears with his fingertips he turns back toward the door.   
The trip down the hall is short and Jeremy knocks softly on Tyler’s door.

There’s a pause before Tyler responds.

            “Come in.”

Is Tyler even sure it’s Jeremy?

Jeremy opens the door, slipping inside and closing it behind himself.

Tyler looks him up and down slowly, standing.

“Okay?”

Jeremy nods.

There’s too many words building up in his chest and he doesn’t know which ones to pick.   
He has no idea what to say.

Instead he crosses to Tyler, carefully wrapping Tyler in a hug.

            “Thank you,” he whispers.

Tyler hugs him back and it’s staggering how safe Jeremy feels.

            “I know it’s not enough,” Tyler says. “I know there’s nothing that could ever be enough.”

            “It’s really nice,” Jeremy says, feeling his cheeks heat.   
_Nice_ doesn’t feel like enough either.

 

He holds onto Tyler for another several moments before finally drawing back.

“Thank you,” he says again.

            “We good?” Tyler asks softly.

            “Yeah,” Jeremy says, “I think so.”

Tyler doesn’t smile but he does look pleased at this.

“How’s your back?”

            “Better,” Tyler admits after a moment.

            “Was your mom okay about it?”

            “She still doesn’t know,” Tyler says, one eyebrow arching.

            “What? I’m not gonna blackmail you or whatever. I meant what I said.”

Tyler’s brow smooths.

            “Thanks.”

Jeremy hesitates.

            “You can tell me what happened,” he offers.

Tyler drops his gaze, his mouth twisting.

            “No offense, Jeremy, but you can’t exactly help with this.”

            “Sometimes just talking about things helps.”

            “Yeah, my mom and I went to therapy.”

Tyler shifts back then, crossing his arms over his chest.   
He doesn’t say anything else.

            “Ty…”   
Jeremy waits but he still doesn’t say anything,   
He won’t meet Jeremy’s eyes again either.

“I can put two and two together,” Jeremy offers finally.

            “Good for you,” Tyler says. “That’s still a hell of a lot different from me saying it out loud.”

Jeremy nods at that.   
It’s a fair point.

            “Okay,” he relents. “You wanna go play some xbox or something?”

            “Yeah,” Tyler says carefully. “If you want.”

 

They spend the rest of the evening together, playing video games and then eventually switching to watching movies on Netflix.

Jeremy wakes up when his father and Carol get home, alarmed to find he’d somehow passed out on Tyler’s shoulder.

            “Everything okay in here?” Grayson asks, forcing a casual tone.

Jeremy makes himself smile, even though his cheeks are on fire.

            “We’re good,” he says.   
He glances to Tyler, who nods in affirmation.

Something lifts off in Jeremy’s stomach at that but as mortified as he already is, he tries to ignore it.

            “You boys want some snacks?” Carol adds.

            “Sure,” Tyler agrees.

Unexpectedly, neither of them makes any excuses or leaves.   
They watch another movie before they actually go to bed.

 

Jeremy wakes up maybe four hours later in a cold sweat.

            “Oh god,” he says to himself, “oh _god_.”

He’s stumbling out of bed then, through their bathroom and into Elena’s room.   
He pauses just inside the doorway, feeling panicked and fragile.

“Elena?” he asks.   
She doesn’t stir so Jeremy steps closer.   
“Elena?” he hazards louder.

            “Jer?” she asks, head shifting to look at him. She seems to wake quickly then, sitting up. “Are you alright?”

            “I’m…”

Jeremy realizes he doesn’t know how to answer.

            “Did you have a nightmare?”

            “No I…it…” he slowly moves closer. “It was a good dream,” he admits even slower. “It just was about…a boy,” he chickens out.

            “Oh,” Elena finally says. “Well that’s… Um. Come sit down.”

Jeremy does, immediately fidgeting.

“So,” she hesitates, “you might be attracted to boys?”

            “I didn’t um,” Jeremy draws in a shaky breath, “I didn’t really think I was but now maybe I’m thinking yeah I am.”

            “Okay,” Elena agrees. “Just slow down, breathe.”

Jeremy forces himself to take a deep breath.

“If you’re gay it’s alright,” she tells him, laying a hand on his shoulder. “And I want bonus points for not saying it’s okay.”

Jeremy laughs quietly at that.

He inhales and exhales again.

            “Thanks.”

 

They both fall quiet for a while.

As much as Jeremy wants to admit everything, to purge it or whatever – he knows he can’t tell Elena about Tyler.

He can’t tell _anyone_ about Tyler.

            “Do you want to sleep in here?” Elena asks eventually.

Jeremy nods.

“Okay,” Elena agrees, patting her mattress.

Jeremy laughs once more before crawling around her and settling down.

…

Over the next week things get weird again.

As much as Jeremy tries to avoid it – he doesn’t really want to be around Tyler.

He’s attracted to Tyler and at this point he actually kind of likes him.   
It’s definitely a problem.

And okay, sure if Jeremy is gay or bi or whatever – it’s probably fine.

He knows his family loves him.

But falling for his step brother is definitely _not_ okay.

He should have known it couldn’t last.

 

Friday evening Tyler knocks on Jeremy’s doorframe, pulling him out of the book he was reading.

            “There’s a party tonight,” he says. “You wanna go?”

            “Uh,” Jeremy hesitates, “I probably-”           

            “We can just go have fun, yeah?”

            “You want me to hang out with your friends?”

Tyler shrugs at that.

            “Why not? You already know Matt.”

Jeremy doesn’t really want to but he also feels bad for avoiding Tyler all week.

            “Okay,” he agrees, “as long as you don’t ditch me to hook up.”

Tyler looks offended at this.

“We both know you’re easy,” Jeremy laughs before he can say anything to defend himself.

            “You’ll understand one day,” Tyler says, tossing him a wink.

Jeremy just shakes his head, not responding.   
He understands now but Tyler definitely doesn’t need to know that.

 

Elena isn’t going to the party, having a sleepover with Bonnie and Caroline instead.

Jeremy wishes he was relieved but he doesn’t really want to spend all evening with Tyler either.

There will be plenty of people for a buffer but Jeremy highly doubts any of his friends are going to be there.   
He also really doesn’t know what to expect from the party but that’s a whole other problem.

After about half an hour’s debate Jeremy dresses as he normally would for school.   
He tells himself several times he’s not trying to impress anyone.

Even if he was…Tyler’s seen him looking worse.

But he’s not Jeremy reminds himself.

Nothing is going to happen between him and Tyler.

 

The only issue is that about three hours later Jeremy’s kissing Tyler against the wall of a house he’s never seen before.

He’s drunk – oh he’s so drunk and he knows this is a mistake.

But Tyler presses closer.  
He shifts so he’s standing in front of Jeremy instead of beside him, bodily caging him in.

It isn’t Jeremy’s first kiss but he does qualify it as his best kiss.   
He feels like he’s floating.

            “Jer,” Tyler says, pulling back enough so that his hands frame Jeremy’s face, “Jer…we shouldn’t.”

Jeremy huffs.

            “What if I want to?”

Tyler kisses him again, briefly before pulling back.

            “You’re so young,” he says.

            “Only like…sixteen months younger than you.”

            “We can’t,” Tyler tells him, more firmly this time.

Jeremy pushes him back, not hard – just enough to breathe.

He breathes in and then out again.

Just a small part of him feels crushed. Even though he should have known this was going to happen.

            “Can we go home?”

            “Yeah,” Tyler says immediately. “Yeah, I’ll uh…find Matt.”

 

Jeremy doesn’t speak to Tyler when he comes back.

He’s worried about what he will say or, even worse, if he’ll start crying.

Instead he just stays silent.   
He’s always found that easier anyway.

…

Jeremy knows he can’t keep avoiding Tyler.   
At some point he has to deal with this.

On Tuesday, after Tyler gets home from practice, Jeremy has the dining room already set up.

            “Hey,” he calls out, “you wanna hang out for a bit?” He gestures to the dining room.

            “Sure,” Tyler agrees, glancing past him quickly. “Let me shower and I’ll be right down.”

            “Cool,” Jeremy says.

He goes to fiddle with his portable speaker, taking a seat and flipping open his sketchbook.

There’s a new sketchbook set at the seat next to him, a pen next to it.

Jeremy smiles to himself as he starts a random room outline.

Only a few songs have played before Tyler gets back and Jeremy tenses slightly in anticipation.

            “This is a good idea,” Tyler says, pulling out his chair and sitting down.

            “Thought it might be nice,” Jeremy agrees.

He pauses what he’s doing to watch Tyler open his own book. He picks up the pen, pressing experimentally on the end of it.

Tyler jumps in response to the shock and Jeremy can’t stop himself from smiling.

            “What the-” Tyler says, immediately pressing it again.

He jumps again, finally looking to Jeremy.

At that point Jeremy can’t hold it back, he bursts out laughing.

“You little shit,” Tyler laughs, reaching out to shock Jeremy with the pen instead.

            “No,” Jeremy hiccups, “don’t.”

Tyler shocks him again and they both laugh.

            “Can I have a real pen now?”

Jeremy offers him a pencil and Tyler laughs one more time before setting the prank pen aside.

 

Things seem to settle between them for the first time.

Neither of them talk about what happened at the party but at this point Jeremy prefers it that way.

Not that it cured him of this…infatuation.   
But he’d rather get used to Tyler as his brother and start liking another guy than try to deal with this.

Him and Tyler just aren’t meant to be. They can’t be.

…

Time slips by without Jeremy really noticing or paying attention.

He supposes that’s what happens when you have school, friends, and family.   
He supposes life is just a collection of things you don’t really notice passing you by.

One thing he has noticed though, is that he’s tired of watching Tyler go on dates with random girls.

Tyler kissed him back.   
Jeremy is never going to forget that. Or forgive Tyler for it, really.

But it isn’t fair.

And Tyler isn’t going to be the only one going on dates.

There’s just the issue with telling his father. Of course there’s also the issue of whether or not he wants to come out.

Jeremy’s not horribly averse to dating girls, he just feels more attraction to boys.

He’d probably have to come out to date boys.

He doesn’t really want to deal with all that.

Maybe he could tell his father first and see how that goes.

Only Jeremy can’t decide if that’s more scary or less scary.   
Less scary, he forces himself to decide.

This is his father and he loves him. He’s going to love him no matter what.

 

So, that evening at dinner, before Jeremy’s managed to eat half his food he clears his throat.

            “Um,” he starts, “I think I want to start dating…”

His father looks mildly surprised.

            “Alright,” he agrees, “I don’t see a problem with that as long as you’re back before curfew.”

            “He’s not done,” Elena says quietly.

Jeremy flushes but he’s also relieved.

            “Boys,” he clarifies quietly, “I um, I think I want to start dating boys.”

His father doesn’t react visibly to that.

            “I don’t see a problem with that either,” he adds.

Jeremy smiles.

            “Cool.”

 

He supposes to someone else it was anti-climactic.   
But to Jeremy it’s such a weight off his chest.

He nearly feels like he could fly.

 

After dinner Jeremy heads back up to his room and regards his easel.

He still hasn’t painted anything – Tyler’s sketch is hanging properly on the wall and the empty canvas is back home on its easel.

Much as Jeremy wants to fill it with something he doesn’t just want to fill it with _anything_. He wants it to flow out of him.   
More than that he wants it to feel _right_.

It’ll happen someday. He’s alright with waiting for it.

Maybe two hours later there’s a quiet knock on his door.

            “Yeah?”

Tyler opens the door and pokes his head in.

            “Can I come in?”

Jeremy laughs quickly.

            “Yeah,” he says. “Course.”

Tyler does and oddly enough, the first thing he does is cross to the bathroom door to shut it as well.

“Are you okay?” Jeremy asks him.

            “Do you really want to start dating?” Tyler asks him.

Jeremy swallows before fidgeting.

            “I-I mean, yeah.”

Tyler only waits a beat before,

            “I think you should wait.”

_I think you should go fuck yourself_ Jeremy doesn’t say.

            “For what?” he asks simply.

 

Tyler crosses his arms over his chest.

            “You’re just so young, Jeremy.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes.

            “I’m not that young,” he says. “And I doubt you really have a leg to stand on here. When did you lose your virginity?”

            “Christ, Jer,” Tyler says then, “you’re _definitely_ too young for that.”

Jeremy groans.

            “I really don’t need a lecture,” he says. “If that’s what you’re here for I changed my mind and you can leave.”

            “Alright,” Tyler agrees. “Yeah, you have a point. But for what it’s worth, I wish I had waited. And I just want it to mean something for you when it happens.”

Jeremy knows he shouldn’t say the next words rolling off his tongue but he’s getting angry now.   
He’s never had much patience for hypocrisy and Tyler’s no exception.

            “Yeah, well, I tried that first.”

He strides to his door, yanking it open.

            “Jer…”

            “I’m not gonna fuck the first guy that offers,” Jeremy snaps. “Go.”

 

Jeremy’s not sure what he really wanted because as Tyler leaves, all he feels is a quiet disappointment.

…

It’s not like he’s in love with Tyler.

He’s not that naïve.

But he does like spending time with him. And he’s definitely attracted to him.

Jeremy would want more, if it was possible.

As it is, he’d really like to try and meet someone that actually likes him back.

…

Another week later Jeremy’s still not sure how he wants to go about this.

He supposes he could make an online profile and talk to guys before meeting anyone. But it only gets more complicated from there.

Where would he meet them? How would he make sure it was safe?

If he just went to the grill people would figure out pretty quick that he’s not exactly straight.

As much as Jeremy doesn’t want to hide this he’s also not ready for the whole ‘coming out’ thing.

He just wants to be himself. He wants to explore without feeling like it’s strange or having people judge him.

Maybe that’s why Tyler only dates girls.

The thought brings a frown to his face and Jeremy goes back to square one; aka Elena.

            “Elena,” he says, flopping onto her bed, “how do you date boys?”

She laughs at him, gently.

            “Is that a real question?”

 

Jeremy sighs and explains his thought process back to her.

            “So I don’t know what to do,” he finishes.

Elena sighs.

            “Well,” she says. “I think online so you can try and get a vibe for guys first is a good idea. And if you don’t want to date in town I definitely get that like…yikes,” she pauses to raise her eyebrows. “But if you wanted to go somewhere close by maybe…Tyler could take you?”

Jeremy can’t help tensing up.

            “What? I don’t need him to go with me.”

            “No offense Jeremy,” she says, “but guys are scary and I don’t really like the idea of you out there by yourself. Not to mention you don’t have your license yet so someone would have to drive you anyway. I didn’t say he should go on the date with you but he could at least be in the same place in case something happens.”

Jeremy frowned but didn’t disagree. He knew she was coming from a good place.

“Caroline, Bonnie, and I all have a buddy system set up for when we go out with guys we don’t know. It’s scary and sad we have to but…” she sighs. “Better safe than sorry. And really – we’re still kids.”

            “You don’t think I’m too young for this?”

Elena wrinkles her nose a bit before smiling.

            “You have to start sometime.” She reaches over to muss his hair, wrapping both arms around him when he tries to duck away. “Even if you’ll always be my baby brother,” she laughs. “Now, do you want help setting up your profile?”

Jeremy rolls his eyes but it’s not a bad idea either.

            “Alright,” he says, “yeah.”

…

The online thing…kind of seems like a waste of time.

It’s been a week now and Jeremy hasn’t talked to anyone he actually wants to meet.

Half the guys are _way_ too old for him.

Like, Jeremy’s pretty sure if his dad knew how old these guys were his profile would have been deleted after the first hour.

Jeremy just blocks them and moves on with his life.

But the guys his age either want an immediate hookup or don’t even respond.

He has to admit he’s getting a little discouraged with it.

Sure, Rome wasn’t built in a day and it takes time to find the right person yada yada. Still.   

Maybe if there had even been one decent guy he would be feeling better about all of this.   
Is he supposed to take this as a sign? That this really isn’t the right time?

Jeremy sighs and closes the app again.

 

Instead he heads downstairs and flops on the couch, turning the TV on.

Tyler comes out of the kitchen maybe a minute later.

            “Okay?”

            “Yeah,” Jeremy sighs, not looking away from the TV.

Tyler laughs, coming into the room and moving Jeremy’s legs so he can sit down.

            “Do you wanna tell your face that?”

Jeremy glances to him and immediately away, regretting his life.

Tyler must have just gotten home from the gym because he’s wearing one of his cut up t-shirts that literally shows half a pec every time he moves.

“Seriously,” Tyler adds, nudging his leg then. “What’s up?”

            “Just this…stupid dating app,” Jeremy admits. “The guys are either old enough to be Dad or don’t seem to be interested.”

            “If they’re not interested they’re idiots,” Tyler tells him.

Jeremy can’t help a quick eye roll.

            “Do you wanna tell your face that?”

Tyler sighs.

            “Never said I wasn’t.”

Jeremy doesn’t know what to say to that.

Tyler was the one that ended the kiss that night.   
They’d both been drinking regardless.

The front door opens before Jeremy’s managed a response and Tyler pushes off the couch, heading up the stairs.

Jeremy closes his eyes and breathes out. He doesn’t know when his life got so complicated but he misses the simpler days.

 

He calls out a greeting to Carol when she pokes her head in but otherwise doesn’t get off the couch or try to engage.

Tyler can’t just say shit like that and walk away.

That’s definitely against the rules.

Jeremy leaves the TV on to try and avoid suspicion before creeping up the steps as well.

As he expected the shower is running upstairs so Jeremy goes into Tyler’s room to wait for him.

He opens a game on his phone to pass the time, the door swinging open surprising him.

Tyler looks just as surprised so Jeremy supposes it’s fair.

            “Gilbert,” Tyler says, hand tightening on the towel around his waist.

Jeremy rolls his eyes again.   

            “Tyler,” he returns.

            “What’s up?” Tyler asks, closing the door behind himself.   
He doesn’t move any further into the room though.

            “You can’t say that and walk away,” Jeremy tells him. “Obviously.”

Tyler’s jaw tilts up just a bit, like he’s expecting a fight.

            “I never said I wasn’t interested.”

            “Yes,” Jeremy agrees, “you said that already.”

            “I don’t know what you want me to say,” Tyler says next. “Can I get dressed?”

Jeremy shrugs.

            “Do I need to close my eyes?”

            “Up to you,” Tyler tells him, jaw ticking before he drops his towel.

 

Jeremy’s not ready for the heat that bursts through his chest and travels up his throat to his face.

Tyler’s gorgeous, which he already knew.

But everything feels almost…fragile.   
Or dangerous he supposes.

Like the pause at the top of the first hill of a roller coaster.

Tyler valiantly ignores him, crossing to his dresser for a pair of plaid pajama pants and an old t-shirt.

This one isn’t cut up, Jeremy can’t decide if he’s disappointed.

Once Tyler’s dressed again, no boxers Jeremy notices, he crosses to his towel and drops it into his hamper.

            “I’m supposed to take care of you,” Tyler says. “When that,” he pauses, “when I ruined your mom’s sketch… I never want to hurt you like that again.”

            “We’re not actually related,” Jeremy tells him. “You don’t have to take care of me.”

            “I’m not going to take your virginity,” Tyler says firmly.   
He even crosses his arms over his chest again.

            “That’s not on the table right now?” Jeremy scoffs. “I’m just – I just like you. Can’t that be enough?”

            “I don’t want to go there,” Tyler reiterates. “I _want_ to take care of you.”

            “So, what? I message one of the guys on my app and then come back? Once I’m not so young?”

Anger flares in Tyler’s eyes, brow wrinkling as his lips thin.

            “Don’t even joke like that,” he snaps.

            “Maybe I’m not joking!” Jeremy hisses.

Tyler yanks open his door, gesturing to the empty hallway sharply.

Something breaks in Jeremy then.   
But even swifter than the rise of pain is the anger.

It’s always been there for him.

He pushes off Tyler’s bed, shoving him into the wall with both hands the second he reaches him.

“Fuck _you_ ,” he says lowly. “I thought you liked me.”

 

            “God, Jeremy,” Tyler sighs, grasping his arm and pulling him back.

Something is lighting off in Jeremy’s chest again and he’s ready to kick Tyler where it hurts and make a run for it – but Tyler kisses him.

It’s a bucket of water over his head.

Everything just stops – time stutters.

Tyler’s shirt is damp where Jeremy clutches it in his hands.

His lips are warm and insistent and nothing exists beyond these points of contact.

It doesn’t matter that Tyler’s door is open or that they’re half in the hall.   
It doesn’t matter that anyone in the house could catch them the very next second.  

“I do like you,” he breathes, soft like a secret, “and I just don’t want to fuck you up.”

            “So don’t fuck me up,” Jeremy answers.

He sounds breathless, feels it too.

            “I don’t know,” Tyler says next.

His hands slowly fall away and Jeremy sighs.

            “Can you at least stop dating random girls then?”

            “Delete the app,” Tyler says, not missing a beat.

            “Wait for me.”

Tyler nods.

He kisses Jeremy’s brow.

            “Go,” he adds quietly, “before I do something I’ll regret.”

…

Jeremy does delete his app. He even sends screenshots to Tyler to prove it.

Then, just after midnight, Jeremy sneaks down the hall to his room.

He knows he should at least try to play it cool but he also doesn’t want to.

Luckily, Tyler’s still awake, one of his textbooks propped in his lap.

He waits until Jeremy quietly shuts the door before speaking.

            “What are you doing?”

             “I know you don’t want to have sex,” Jeremy starts, walking toward the bed, “honestly I’m not ready for that. But can we at least…”

He trails off, nerves failing him when he needs them most.

He’s already in Tyler’s room for god’s sakes.

            “What?” Tyler asks, eyebrow arched. “Make out?”

Jeremy blushes, laughing at himself.

            “A little,” he admits. “Yeah.”

            “We shouldn’t,” Tyler says.   
But he’s already closing his book and setting it on the nightstand.

_God_ Jeremy thinks.

He rounds the foot of Tyler’s bed, slowly climbing in the other side.

“Here,” Tyler says, shifting the blankets down for him.

Jeremy’s cheeks flush even hotter as they work together to get the blankets below his hips.

Tyler reaches over to flick off the light before looking back.

Jeremy swallows with some difficulty.

            “Hi,” he says.

            “Hi,” Tyler returns.

 

Jeremy waits a beat and then another.

Finally he realizes Tyler is waiting on him.

He swallows again before pushing himself forward.

It’s a bit terrifying in a way that it hasn’t been before.   
Maybe because he’s thinking about it so much.

Tyler’s still leaning against the headboard so Jeremy keeps one palm flat on the mattress for leverage, angling himself up to meet Tyler.

The kiss is crooked at first, taking another moment for them to get it right.

Tyler nips at Jeremy’s bottom lip, wringing a gasp from him.

            “Shh,” Tyler offers, moving in again.

They kiss slowly.

As stupid as it is, Jeremy feels like he might be falling for Tyler.   
If this is all it takes he should be more worried.

The only problem is Tyler’s tongue is teasing along Jeremy’s lip.

Adrenaline starts pumping.

Jeremy hasn’t done this before.   
Then again – if he does anything more with Tyler it will be something he hasn’t done.

Jeremy cautiously opens his mouth.

Tyler’s tongue is wet, his lips too as they catch Jeremy’s again.

Jeremy feels clumsy and stupid as he tries to move his tongue along with Tyler’s but Tyler doesn’t rush him.

He presses another chaste kiss to Jeremy’s mouth before sweeping his tongue in again.

 

They shift eventually, Tyler more over Jeremy than beside him as they kiss.

Jeremy doesn’t mind.

Tyler over him makes him feel good. It turns him on.

He’s getting hard and he feels reckless, one hand catching Tyler’s hip before drifting down below the band of his pajama pants.

Tyler breaks away to groan, holding himself up with one hand so he can catch Jeremy’s with the other.

            “Hands stay above the clothes?” he suggests.

            “Not fair when you’re teasing me,” Jeremy laughs. “I know you’re not wearing anything under there.”

Tyler shifts again, laying his body over Jeremy’s.

            “Hand stay above the clothes,” he repeats.

Jeremy can’t breathe.

Tyler’s hard too.

            “Okay,” he agrees, easily then. “Kiss me?”

Tyler hums down at him, hands going to the mattress again to take some of his weight off Jeremy.

            “Okay?” Tyler checks.

Jeremy nods, smiling for good measure.

 

Tyler kisses him again, hips grinding down against Jeremy’s after another moment.

Jeremy moans loudly into Tyler’s mouth.

            “Fuck,” he says reverently.

Tyler smirks.

            “Still okay?”

Jeremy nods quickly.

            “Yes. Please.”

Tyler laughs, but only once.

            “Please what?”

            “Do that again.”

Tyler does, hips rolling as he watches Jeremy’s face.

Jeremy feels hot all over, splayed open.   
It’s like half his brain has now been dedicated to the nerve endings in his dick.

He wants so much more but he also needs to play by Tyler’s rules.   
He’s perfectly willing to.

Tyler kisses him again, hips moving in short arcs.

Jeremy can barely feel his toes with how tight they’re curled.

His skin is all but buzzing with the pleasure heating him.

“ _Tyler_.”

Later Jeremy will be embarrassed about the way he whimpers Tyler’s name.

As it is all he can focus on is the way his orgasm rocks through him.

Tyler slaps a palm over his mouth, muffling most of the sound, Jeremy can’t bring himself to care.

 

His head is spinning and his muscles ache with the tension still leaching out of them.

“God,” he says.

            “Are you okay?” Tyler asks him.

            “I’m so good,” Jeremy tells him.

            “Yeah?”

Jeremy half laughs.

            “Yeah.”

            “You’re gorgeous,” Tyler whispers. “Can I kiss you again?”

Jeremy nods, smiling again.

Tyler’s holding himself up with both arms again but he dips his head to kiss Jeremy.

“You probably shouldn’t sleep in here,” Tyler sighs when they part.

Jeremy frowns at this.

            “What about you?”

            “I have a hand,” Tyler returns.

Jeremy waits a moment.

            “You know,” he says, “technically, that was the first orgasm someone else gave me.”

            “Was it everything you hoped for?”

Jeremy rolls his eyes and pushes Tyler off of him, wishing he was smooth enough to straddle him too.

            “I’m just saying. That was technically my virginity.”

            “I will shove you out of this bed,” Tyler threatens him.

Jeremy mimes zipping his lips.

 

After another moment Tyler sighs.

            “You’re going to stay and watch, aren’t you?”

Jeremy turns on his side, propping his head up with a hand.

            “Come on,” he says. “I wanna know what you sound like.”

            “I’ve never done this in front of anybody else,” Tyler says, looking up at the ceiling.

            “Even better,” Jeremy tells him. “First times for both of us.”

            “You should feel at least a little bad about seducing me,” Tyler complains.

Jeremy smiles again even as he blushes.

Finally Tyler sighs, one hand reaching under the blankets to his erection.

He moans almost immediately and Jeremy can hardly tell what he’s doing in the darkness of the room but it’s amazing nonetheless.

“Come here,” Tyler whispers, hand still moving.

Jeremy moves closer, leaning down to kiss Tyler.   
He pulls back for a moment, either stupid or brave with his recent orgasm.

            “Next time it’ll be my hand.”

Tyler moans at that too and Jeremy kisses him again.

 

            “You’re right,” Tyler says later, once they’re curled together. “I am easy. Especially for you.”

Jeremy smiles at that too, keeping his eyes closed.

He doesn’t need to agree out loud when they both know it’s true.

…

Jeremy wakes sharply the next morning because there’s a quick knock on the door before a muffled

            “Tyler, do you still need-”

Carol cuts off, eyes widening as she takes both of them in.

_Fuck_ Jeremy thinks.

His head is still mostly pillowed on Tyler’s arm and Tyler’s definitely shirtless as he used his shirt to help clean up last night.

“Oh,” Carol recovers, “You’re still in bed.”

She clears her throat quietly before leaving and closing the door behind her.

            “Oh god,” Tyler exhales.

He looks to Jeremy, eyes wide and on the verge of panic.

            “It’s okay,” Jeremy says immediately. “We just – I just um, had a nightmare. Or something.”

Tyler carefully sits up before covering his face with both hands.

            “Please tell me that didn’t just happen,” he mumbles. “Please tell me this is a nightmare.”

            “It’s okay,” Jeremy says again, “we just lie our asses off.”

            “Yeah, slight problem,” Tyler tells him. “I can’t lie to my mom.”

            “Oh,” Jeremy says.

            “We should probably get dressed and go downstairs to talk to them,” Tyler adds miserably.

 

Jeremy climbs out of bed and pauses.

            “Are you going to tell me we have to stop now?”

            “They’ll probably take care of that for us.”

Jeremy swallows a groan.

Now he remembers all the reasons he was trying to talk himself out of his.

But of course, he hadn’t listened to what was logical.

            “Well, just for the record; I still really like you and I don’t want to stop.”

Tyler sighs quickly.

            “Yeah, I feel the same.”

He stands as well, half turning to look at Jeremy.

For three seconds they just stand there looking at each other.

Jeremy moves first, rounding the foot of the bed to hug Tyler.

            “I’ll see you down there,” he says.

 

Jeremy dresses with a low level sense of dread in his abdomen.

It’s not like he and Tyler can just buck whatever their parents tell them.   
They still have to live here.

Still, because it’s inevitable, he smooths his t-shirt down and leaves his room.

Everyone except Elena is already downstairs and Jeremy’s ridiculously glad she won’t be present for this.

Neither Carol nor his father are sitting down, Tyler is though.

Jeremy takes a deep breath and takes the chair next to him.

Grayson sighs at them before setting his hands on his hips.

            “How long has this been going on?”

            “Define going on,” Jeremy hedges.

            “You two sharing a bed,” Grayson specifies, mouth pinched.

            “Just last night,” Jeremy says. “We only kissed once before,” he sighs. “I kissed Tyler.”

            “Tyler?” Carol asks.

Tyler nods in confirmation.

“And you’ve…liked each other for a while?”

            “Yeah,” Jeremy admits.

Tyler nods again.

Stupidly, Jeremy is happy at this revelation.   
He supposes he already knew that but it’s still another thing to be faced with it.

            “Have you been safe?” Grayson asks.

            “We haven’t done that,” Jeremy stutters.

 

            “We haven’t,” Tyler echoes. “We won’t.”

Grayson looks surprised at this.

Jeremy hopes he doesn’t look disappointed.

Tyler looks down to the tabletop.

“He’s too young.”

            “I agree,” Grayson says shortly.   
He turns to Jeremy then.  
“I really wish you had told me it was Tyler you wanted to date.”

            “That’s my fault, Sir,” Tyler says. “I…discouraged him.”

            “And I was trying not to like him,” Jeremy adds. “I knew it was a bad idea.”

Grayson sighs at them, looking to Carol for a short moment.

            “Tyler, you don’t have to call me that. Even when you’re in trouble.”

At this Tyler nods meekly and Grayson looks back to Carol.

            “What do you think?”

At this, Carol shrugs.

            “It’s not like we can really stop them when they live in the same house together.”

            “Doors open if you’re in each other’s rooms,” Grayson decides after another moment. “More rules to follow.”

            “Okay…?” Jeremy agrees, shell shocked.

            “I just need both of you to be very, very serious about this,” Grayson adds firmly, “because no matter what happens you’ll still have to see each other every single day. Got it?”

            “Got it,” Jeremy says.

            “Got it,” Tyler repeats.

 

Grayson waves them out of the room, sighing as they go.

            “Sometimes you have to let them make their own mistakes,” Carol tells him.

            “Yeah.”

As they walk back up the stairs, Jeremy sneaks his hand into Tyler’s.

 

            “Are you really sure about this?” Tyler asks him, pausing at the top of the stairs.

His room is straight and to the right while Jeremy has to turn left to get to his.

            “I mean, am I ready to get married? No. Do I love you? Undecided. But I really like you. And I think we owe it to each other to try and figure this out.”

Tyler smiles at him for a moment.

            “At least this means no more stupid pranks.”

            “Sure,” Jeremy agrees, brushing a kiss over Tyler’s cheek before heading to his room.

…

Two days later Jeremy’s at The Grill with some friends when his phone lights up with a text.

            >> _REALLY GILBERT?!!_

He smirks to himself, nearly pocketing his phone before responding.

            << _you found that quickly_

_ >>when are you going to be home  
            >>you’re disgusting_

_ <<soon :)_

Jeremy doesn’t leave for another hour, texting Tyler when he leaves.

There’s no response by the time he gets in, lights on in both the kitchen and the living room.

Jeremy checks the kitchen first.

            “Hey,” Tyler says.

Jeremy holds both hands up.

            “Truce?”

Tyler rolls his eyes.

            “Hot cocoa?”

Okay, dating Tyler definitely has its perks.

            “Sure.”

Tyler turns and busies himself with two mugs, stirring both before putting one in the microwave.

            “Here,” he says, sliding it to Jeremy a minute later and placing the second mug in the microwave.

 

Jeremy blew carefully before taking a sip and humming happily at the warmth.

            “Good?” Tyler asks, taking his mug out of the microwave.

            “Yeah,” Jeremy agrees, taking another sip.

            “I’m glad,” Tyler smirks before sipping his own. “I made it especially for you.”

Jeremy pauses.

            “Oh?”

            “Had to pay you back.”

Jeremy thinks about this for a moment, taking another cautious sip.

            “You didn’t,” he says, half horrified and half elated.

It had been risky enough jerking off in Tyler’s room and leaving the evidence on the sheets.

No way Tyler had jerked off in the kitchen when both their parents were home.

“You didn’t,” he says again.

Tyler only smirks at him.

“What if you had been caught?” he demands.

            “What if you had been?”

            “No one was home,” Jeremy protests, laughing.

Tyler shrugs at this, like it doesn’t matter.

Jeremy just shakes his head.

“You’re insane.”

 

He takes another sip though, cradling the mug to his chest.

            “It’s not bad, you know?”

            “I can say I don’t know,” Tyler laughs then. “But you let me know if you need more.”

            “Yeah?” Jeremy makes sure to lick his bottom lip slowly.

Tyler watches the movement avidly.

Yeah, he’s still easy.

            “Uh, yeah,” he finally says, looking back to Jeremy’s eyes.

Jeremy takes another sip, pretending to think about it.

            “This might be just enough.”

He turns and leaves the kitchen, mug still in hand.

Jeremy’s only on the fourth step when Carol calls Tyler into the living room.

She’s got eyes like a hawk, Tyler definitely won’t be following him upstairs any time soon.

 

            _> >better not be in my room Gilbert_

_ <<come find out Lockwood_

_ >>you’re gonna get it for that.._

_ <<can’t wait_

…

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> wow I can't believe I came home to Jyler after abt three years. wow. hi.


End file.
